


Ficnasty Sicklets

by prurientInterests (amberite)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Drabble Collection, Fetish, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Sickfic, Sneezing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-05
Updated: 2013-05-05
Packaged: 2017-12-10 11:10:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/785395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amberite/pseuds/prurientInterests
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Or sicknasty ficlets, or something like that. Really gratuitous. May eventually contain sneezing, coughing, puking and other body shenanigans. Currently just a bunch of little sneezy stories. They were written purely out of prurient interest - as indicated by my handle here.  Kanaya comforts an ill Karkat! Dave denies his allergies! Feferi catches a cold and Rose observes her weird seadweller sneezes! </p><p>There's likely to be adult stuff sooner or later but any chapter where that's the case will have [ADULT] appended to the name.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. a putrescedt bag of alied gerbs (Kanaya/Karkat)

**Author's Note:**

> If you're subscribed to my writing and *don't* want to see this stuff, let me know; if I get a request to do so, I'll continue it on an actual secondary account instead of just doing it under a pseud. I have this one hooked to my main account because I'm firmly resolved to be weird in public and blaze the trail for others, but I don't want to annoy any of my regular readers with baffling fetish fic if they don't want to see it. ^_^
> 
> Conversely, if you like this stuff and want more of it, check out the new blog I just opened: [sicknastybeats.tumblr.com](http://sicknastybeats.tumblr.com)

Karkat has his own pile, but he's ended up in yours instead, curled into a ball on top of the fabric scraps that are your comfort zone; the smudges under his eyes are bruise-dark and his nose is so chafed-red he couldn't possibly hide the color of his blood, and seeing it so close to the surface makes you want things that you shove aside, right now, because now is not the time for it. 

He notices you a little when you come closer, but barely reacts, and it catches at something in you, and you lean over and reach out to touch his face.

"Kadaya... ugh. Dod't get so close." His eyes are filmy-red wet when he squints up at you. "You bight be able to catch this thig. I'b a shitty putrescedt bag of alied gerbs right dow. I'b godda..." He blinks hard and his forehead scrunches together, and he turns his head away from you. "EhhhSHOO!" Only the edge of the sneeze catches your arm, but he looks at you woefully self-conscious anyway. "I told you that was goig to happed. Go away. Protect yourself. You dod't deed... huh-ETCHOO!.. dod't deed to die igdobidiously id a filthy edcrustatiod of bucus." 

"I'm a rainbow drinker," you remind him gently. "I probably can't *get* sick." 

Karkat looks like he's going to protest, but then his face freezes again, staring at some ambiguous point in the distance, and the fight goes out of him. "Ugh," he says again, quietly. "I thought the sdeezig was bad edough... but it's stuck dow and that's worse..." His eyes are watering so much it almost seems like he's crying, and he swipes at them with the back of his hand and leans his head back against your hand with a small whimper.

You run your fingers through his hair, cautiously letting your claws cross his scalp but not dig in, and he relaxes into your hand, but his breath hitches again and he groans with frustration.

"I believe I can take care of that, Karkat," you tell him. "Or at least try. If you'll let me."

He tries to build up a head of steam again, makes it all the way to scowling before the tingle builds up on him again and he just says "--Ah!" instead, gives a tiny cough, and finally says, "Do your damnedest." 

You take the frilly ornament out of your hair. "I never liked this one anyway," you say, and bring the little fan of feathers up against his face and stroke the edges of his nostrils with it, still gently massaging his head with your other hand. 

"...ah... AH! Kadaya - I'b go-- huhh--" He looks alarmed, lets out a strangled noise like he's trying to keep the sneeze in, and you sort of want to pap him so hard it's a slap.

"Yes, stupid, that's why I'm doing this, if you hadn't noticed."

"Hhhuhhh- hhehhhhhh- I - ahh - CHOO! HhhEHchoo! Hnn," he groans and tries to catch his breath, sniffles thickly and wetly in between sneezes and then tries to muffle the next ones in the crook of his arm. "Hhuhh - aahCHHHFF! Chhhffff! Hhhauhh- chhPFAAAHOOO," and he can't quite stifle the last one, and gives up on it then and there, just letting the sneezes come, one after another with gasping buildups. You've long since put away the hair ornament. Finally he trails off and scrubs at his nose with his hand. 

"Why ared't you goig sobewhere to hag out with less disgustig people," he says, looking up at you sheepishly.

"Because I would rather help you feel better," you tell him. "Now I'm going to bring you some soup, and you're going to eat it, and then you're going to take a nap. Someone has to lead the leader, at least once in a while."


	2. what sneezing, I don't see any sneezing (John/Dave)

Saturday mornings were the best, John thought. Especially in summer.

His boyfriend probably wouldn't agree - that is, if Dave wasn't so determined to be oblivious to the source of his distress. Dave staggered with the force of another sneeze. He was a loud sneezer, at least when he didn't stifle. He caught himself on the counter next to the coffeemaker and sniffled, deeply and wetly.

God, his face. He wasn't even wearing his shades yet - fortunate, because that last one would have flung them across the room. His forehead crinkled up, eyes glistening with irritation, and sneezed again - "Hh-CHFFF!" - catching it in the crook of his elbow.

And it didn't take much to get him riled up when he was like this either. "Aww. I'm sorry you're having allergy problems today," John said, knowing exactly how Dave would react.

"I don't eve-ehh-heh-"

"Don't even what?" John grinned impishly.

Dave had apparently gotten control of his nose again, at least temporarily. He blinked his eyes furiously, the whites of them apparently trying to compete with his striking red irises. "Don't even have allergies," he said. "Striders don't, it's a law of nature."

"Naw. Course not," John said, and leaned in to kiss him - pretending nonchalance, but when Dave's breath hitched into the kiss and he tensed up as if to break away, John kept kissing him, slower than usual, until Dave finally wrested his mouth away, gasping -

"uhhAAHhh - gonnasnee -" And he couldn't get out of John's embrace enough to sneeze somewhere else. He tried to stifle it but failed, spraying John's ear with mist. "Hrrr-CHOOH! Aww, shit," he said, then tensed up - "I gotta - agaid - let me go, you little -"

"Nope," John said, "after all, it's not like you're having an allergy attack or something, right?" - and kept pinning him while Dave's nose crinkled and his breath hitched and he tried to hold the next one back. Until his boyfriend was making stupid little high-pitched "Eeeeh - eeeeeeeeh -" noises.

"I - ffff - hhhAAAHCHOOOO! - You don't get to complaid later - that I sd-sdeezed all ove - HEH-EHCHOO! all over you - you crazy little HUH- UHH - crazy little derp -" Dave trailed off into sneezes, giving up on trying to get loose and just muffling them into John's shoulder at this point.

"What sneezing," John said, gently mocking, "I don't see any sneezing," as Dave blinked at him red-nosed with tears running down his face, "you must just be getting really emotional about something, poor baby -"

Dave looked like he was going to make a snappy retort but instead, caught off-guard, he just sneezed all over John, barely managing to get him in the neck instead of the face at the last moment. "Ehh-HEHCHUHH!"

"Way to prove your point, dude, " he finally managed.

He didn't know, did he? Hadn't guessed that John waited breathlessly for Saturday mornings, when the neighbors mowed their lawn; hadn't quite put together that John's excitement at these times wasn't standard-issue morning wood. 

John would tell him eventually. Just as soon as Dave fessed up to having allergies.


	3. for science (Rose/Feferi)

Apparently seadwellers, of everyone, could catch human colds. John Egbert had brought this one in with him, and Rose was uncertain exactly why it was easier for the virus to jump hosts in that fashion; she would have thought seadwellers were further, not closer, in terms of their biological compatibility. But no mistake - the bug going around had made it to Feferi.

The tyrian-blooded troll was perched on the edge of her chair, tensed up, and either doing her damndest to appear chipper as usual or actually pretty cheerful for someone undergoing -

"It's the s-" Feferi breathed in shakily, and her ear fins twitched, a telltale sign that another sneeze was coming on. "the strangest f-eel-ing, it keeps - creeping up all in my nose and in my secondary air sacs ahh- and th-then I - AHH -" She made a strange glub noise and Rose could see the outlines of her gills flaring out under her clothing and along her neck, then, "hhfff - CHOO!" as the sneeze released through her nose and mouth, more conventionally.

It was a fascinating ordeal to witness, a sneeze in stages.

"Doesn't it frighten you?" Rose asked. "Having a disease you've never had before."

"No," Feferi said cheerfully. "I can probably shorevive any disease, it's strange and kind of EXCITING!" Her earfins wobbled again. She didn't seem to notice. "Except it hurts when, when my gills - hhhahhh - glub - hhhfff- EEEEeeeCHHH!" Sure enough, she jumped and winced a little during the gill-flare phase of it. "But." Her nose was dripping and she raised a hand and rubbed it with a kind of baffled expression and sniffled through the congestion experimentally, an awkward SNRGK sound. "It's not too bad, just surprising! Why is this called a cold, anywaves? I'm not cold, I'm h- hot - glub - chhh - CHOOOO!" She shuddered this time, not quite expecting how quickly that had come on.

"Fevers are a common thing - they can get worse, but - do trolls normally get those when they get sick?"

"Yes, I just thought that since this was called a cold, it might be diff - ahhh -" The telltale twitch again, but then she sat perched rigid on the edge of the chair and no sneeze was forthcoming. "Oh, no, now I - I can't seem to make it happen agaid," Feferi said, sounding half blocked up, though the tone of her voice was different than with a human - like she had extra sinuses, or something similar, which made sense, Rose thought. She kept wiggling her earfins just slightly, subconsciously, as if trying to kickstart the sneeze, but she didn't reach for her nose; she held a hand up to the gills on one side of her neck, scratched at them a little and winced - "I wouldn't think that would be a probleb, but - it's like there's somefin stuck in my gills," she said miserably.

"It's unpleasant to have to sneeze and then have difficulty getting it out," Rose said. "May I try something to help?" She genuinely felt an interest in alleviating Feferi's discomfort, but she'd also had a kind of fascination with those gills since the first time she saw them, and wasn't going to reject an opportunity when she saw it.

"Shore, I - ahh-" Still no sneeze, and Feferi let Rose approach closer. Which Rose did carefully, remembering that despite her small size and cheerful attitude, Feferi was a powerful member of an astoundingly lethal species; that the dark magics Rose had studied so painstakingly were, in some way, natural to this small grey-skinned girl in front of her, whose nose and gills were smeared with stains of translucent fuchsia and who was looking at her large-eyed and miserable like a sick kitten.

Rose stood behind the afflicted troll in the chair and placed her fingers on both sides of Feferi's neck, moved them toward the gills very softly, lightly. rubbed back and forth until Feferi made a sudden strangled glub noise and "Hhhhfff - CHOOOO!" The sneeze came on powerfully and suddenly, skipping the first stage of buildup, and snapped Feferi over at the waist and left her gasping. "Wow," she said. "Do that again." Rose started to comply. Her fingers were wet from the first induced sneeze and she moved to put them back on Feferi's neck, but the seadweller shook her head - "No," and she hiked up her shirt to show her lower ribcage, "I fin' they're all blocked up like that -"

Rose had to come around to the front and kneel down, to reach Feferi's lower gills and stroke and tickle them the way she had the neck gills, and it took a little longer this time. Feferi gave a high-pitched squeak, the sound of a complicated non-human respiratory tract seizing up, and Rose felt puffs of air coming out of the lower gills as the sneeze shook through the troll girl. The problem with being in front of Feferi was that Rose was in the blast radius for nose and gills both, as Feferi bent over - "glub-hhfff-CHOOOOOO-glub-" and she realized it was going to be a double sneeze, the first series of strange ripples cycling into the second - "hhhfff-CHOOOH!"

But Feferi's voice sounded clearer, her breathing easier as she announced, "Wow, I feel a lot betta!" She sniffled wetly, and shook her head back and forth, tossing her prodigious head of hair.

"I'm glad to hear it," Rose said, and pondered what would be required to alchemize some tissues. Being a little mussed was worth it for science, right? Science and the fact that Feferi would almost certainly feel compelled to take care of Rose should she herself get sick.


End file.
